My Demise

It’s always been my fantastical dream to one day own an expansive bird sanctuary somewhere in a remote coastal area, possibly in Northern California, possibly in Oregon, where I would keep and breed large birds like ducks, geese, swans, turkeys, peacocks, ostriches, emus, cassowaries, pheasants and the like. I would own many acres of land with a natural, self-cycling pond and a small marshland. From my cozy home, I would write novels by the fireplace and concerti by the baby grand (always a glass of scotch on the rocks nearby), and on my breaks I would take strolls through my sanctuary and feed the birds.

I see the news headlines now:

“Famous Author and Composer Mauled Dead by Pet Swans”

Yes, I will be killed by my own beloved favorite animals (yes, I know ducks are my favorite animals; swans and geese take a close 2nd and 3rd). It will be a sordid and tragic irony befitting an artist. Sales in my music will double. My brother will produce the biographical film and make millions. The Swan-Death scene will be the most gruesome depiction in cinema history. The Oscar will follow.

My house will be willed to my wife, but my sanctuary will be willed to the birds themselves.

But really, the birds will be innocent. They were merely performing a duty: helping me fulfill a destiny. It was their obligation and there was simply no other choice: there was no better way for me to die.

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About Doctor Quack

Just another bonehead with an internet connection.
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3 Responses to My Demise

  1. scrunchylips says:

    How did you get this liking for ducks?
    After all there were rotten parties – no good company – watching brother play games and playing in dirt thinking of aliens and dinosours while being hauled from the soccer and gymnastics areas through the carpool lane….

    where did the ducks come from?

    This was the hopeful post where i was like “ok, he DOES mean ducks! Not…” well maybe you can get my drift.

    But this just furthers my curiosity as to how you got onto duck obsession?

    • Doctor Quack says:

      Hey Scrunchy, I’m just now getting my act together and going through the post-freshly pressed comments. Sorry for taking so long to reply.

      When I was 8 years old, my family adopted a pet duck because, well, why not? I was taken aback by the duck’s beauty and goofy charm, and since then, I realized that ducks are the animal I’d want to best emulate in life – silly, awkwardly charming, handsome, loud-mouthed, and nonchalant.

      Sadly, I’ve gotten the awkward and silly down. The jury is still out for handsome and charming.

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