Lying Down on Things

I feel sorry for people who find out via forced proximity that I’m an oddball, mostly because there’s no choice of escape. This includes, but is not limited to my coworkers, my classmates, and most of all, my roommate who mere minutes ago walked into the apartment with two young ladies while I was napping in the middle of the living room floor. As I had done repeatedly in the past. Nothing was unusual about this.

I do have an odd affinity for floors. Although my bedroom floor is off-limits for napping (in need of excavation), the living room floor has been a favorite of mine for a couple years now. I tried the kitchen floor once, and while it just wasn’t the same, I did enjoy the new perspective. The cold, hard linoleum felt soothing against my back and limbs, but the back of my head just couldn’t get comfortable. No dice.

But the oddest was perhaps many, many years ago; I think when I was a freshman in high school. I was biking home from school, and while on my street, it occurred to me that I had never before in the past lay down in the middle of a road. This was surely an experience I didn’t want to miss out on. I got off my bike, took off my backpack, and lay on my back right where I was in the middle of my street under a huge oak tree.

It was sublime. The asphalt may have been a little rocky, but the oak shielded my from the sun, and yet I had a clear view of the blue and lightly cloudy sky. And I was in the middle of a street. Lying down. Hardcore.

But then my poor neighbor came running out of his house: “Are you okay?!”
I looked up, “Oh, yeah, I’m fine. I’m just lying here.”

It was only in that moment I realized what this looked like to the outsider: it had looked like I had fallen off my bike and was unconscious, but my bike was still standing up with its kickstand, so it could have only been intentional. Realizing the absurdity of the situation, I immediately got up, brushed myself off, and continued home while my concerned and confused neighbor looked on unsure of what to make of it.

The experience may have been cut short, but that memory will always be with me. We’ll always have that moment, Delphi Court. Always.


About Doctor Quack

Just another bonehead with an internet connection.
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5 Responses to Lying Down on Things

  1. Kat says:

    Okay, you’re awesome. Road-naps are something I’ve always wanted to try. I have an aversion to becoming road-pizza, though.

    • Doctor Quack says:

      The trick to not dying is to actually not fall asleep, which might prove to be a challenge considering how comfortable asphalt is.

      The other solution is to get police tape and cones, and block off a clearly marked section. Then place a sign at the perimeter that says, “Police Department on lunch break. Please do not disturb crime scene.”

  2. limeokapi says:

    I’m sure the people milling about will think nothing of the apparently dead girl laying in the road. I’m also sure they’ll also ignore my mid-sleep flailing. “Hey, didn’t she just move?” “Oh my god! I knew zombies were real!!”

    Maybe I’ll even bring some fake blood to complete the look.

    • Doctor Quack says:

      Well now you’re just trying to stir up trouble.

      • limeokapi says:

        Maybe. But I find the best memories have a hint of trouble involved.

        I doubt I have the guts to pull off a bloodied zombie crime scene. There’s also a decided lack of people around to scandalize out here in the country. …which begs the question of why I haven’t actually lay on a road before.

        Maybe I will. If I do, I’ll be sure to document the experience.

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