Author Archives: Doctor Quack

About Doctor Quack

Not actually a real doctor. Just another bonehead with an internet connection. I also really like ducks. Like... REALLY like ducks. It's kind of unhealthy.

The Foolish Destiny of a Delusional Egomaniac: i.e. The Art of Denial

Posted on May 19, 2013

I am unfit for companionship. It’s not that I’m terribly unattractive – I have two eyes, teeth which point roughly in the right direction, and I smell okay on most weekdays – it’s just that somehow, somewhere in my past, … Continue reading →

Posted in Autobiography, Editorial | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Profanation of the Sublime

Posted on May 5, 2013

(Warning: this entry has strong language, but it’s all for a point.  If you’re sensitive to strong language, regardless of the point, please stop reading.  That’s right, I’m looking at you, Mom.) We live in two different worlds: the world … Continue reading →

Posted in Art Music and Literature, Editorial | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

The Goose

Posted on April 17, 2013

When I was in Lublin, Poland, I sat in the Old Town square and had a conversation with a young Belorussian man: Him – “Why do you Americans drive such big cars?” Me – “To compensate for our small penises.” … Continue reading →

Posted in Autobiography | Tagged , , , , | 5 Comments

A brief Tribute to Women

Posted on April 6, 2013

Let me tell you a little bit about myself: For much of 2011 and nearly all of 2012, I didn’t talk to women.  Of course there were unusual circumstances, family members, cashiers, waitresses and the like, but on the whole, … Continue reading →

Posted in Editorial | Tagged , , | 8 Comments

Quack Travel: Five Underrated National Parks

Posted on March 21, 2013

Please allow me a moment of abstinence from my typical diarrhea of miscellaneous schmaltz that so lovingly describes my blog, and behold a serious and pointed travel column.  (What better way to deal with writers block than to regurgitate events and … Continue reading →

Posted in Travel | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

Urban Disillusionment

Posted on March 6, 2013

Is life actually any different between one city and another?  Do we merely imagine the differences to make our lives seem richer based on the uniqueness of locale? When I lived in Los Angeles, I had a two-bedroom apartment.  I … Continue reading →

Posted in Editorial | Tagged , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Cima Dome: the folly of dreams

Posted on February 20, 2013

Since my earliest years, I have always harbored an obsession with imaginary boundaries, arbitrary points of interest, and other such foolish catalysts of human history.  One of my earliest memories recalls a plush globe given to me by my parents. … Continue reading →

Posted in Editorial, Travel | Tagged , , , | 7 Comments

The Cold War of Booze

Posted on February 9, 2013

My father once regaled me with tales of yore… Back when I was in college, beer options were more limited.  There were no craft beers like there are today.  Everyone drank Miller, Budweiser, Pabst, Schlitz… If you wanted something special, … Continue reading →

Posted in Editorial | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Connections

Posted on January 23, 2013

In a previous period of my life, back when I would actually make an effort to meet people, I found myself meddling in several romantic entanglements that were neither romantic nor were they entanglements.  The years would go by as … Continue reading →

Posted in Autobiography | Tagged , , , , | 6 Comments

Californisms

Posted on January 4, 2013

Sometimes when I go to sleep, I’m afraid that when I wake up, I’ll be staring at the ceiling of my childhood bedroom circa 2001, and for the next three hours, I’ll be telling my friends and family about what … Continue reading →

Posted in Autobiography | Tagged , , , , , | 5 Comments